


Stay

by Insertsmartnamehere



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Procedures, Needles, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Steve and Bucky are just friends in this fic, depends on how you like to read it, or maybe not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insertsmartnamehere/pseuds/Insertsmartnamehere
Summary: Written for this prompt: Can you write a fanfic about where Bucky has to get a spinal tap (or some similar painful and invasive-ish medical procedure) and is scared because it reminds him of his time at hydra, and tries to attack the doctors until steve shows up and has to hold him to calm him down to do the procedure?Bucky didn’t know if he was feeling more stupid or afraid, as he made his way to the door of the examination room. Being scared of a simple procedure like this? It wouldn’t have even crossed his mind before.Now, the clinical smell made his skin itch all over.





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything except for the specific word choice of this fic.   
> If you can find the time to review, please do! There's little that would make me more happy.

Bucky didn’t know if he was feeling more stupid or afraid, as he made his way to the door of the examination room. Being scared of a simple procedure like this? It wouldn’t have even crossed his mind before. 

Now, the clinical smell made his skin itch all over, as he slowly, deliberately, took a deep breath. Steve was hovering just behind his right shoulder. He wanted to tell him to stop worrying, to go home, to just let him deal with this the way he dealt with all trouble; on his own. He didn’t, though. He knew it would be of no use.

In the opening of the door stood a nurse. She was young, blue streaks in her blond hair. Smiling, she held out her hand. ‘Good morning, mister Barnes. My name is Amy. I will take care of your lumbar puncture today.’

‘Bucky,’ he mumbled.

If she thought it weird that he didn’t take of his gloves – that he was wearing gloves at all – she did nothing to indicate that. There was a fleeting moment of gratefulness, before she motioned for him to enter. His breath caught in his throat.

_Come on_ , he told himself. _You have seen worse, felt worse. Done worse_.

Steve was still hovering, his hands in his pockets and his brow furrowed, but when the nurse shot him a quick glance and Bucky minutely shook his head, he stepped back and half-turned towards the plastic chairs lined up along the wall.

The nurse closed the door behind them.

‘If you could sit down over there,’ she said, waving to an examination table. It was a simple, steel table, nothing like at Hydra’s, and yes, this time Bucky definitely felt grateful. Even so, a shiver ran through him as he sat down. Paper crumbled.

The nurse pulled up a stool in front of him. 'I have received your medical information – ’

_Ah, yes_ , Bucky thought, _you mean the fake reports Banner made and sent here, because some things you shouldn’t try to explain?_

'– and you seem in perfect condition to do this procedure without any heightened risks.’

He didn’t listen to the rest of the explanation, instead focusing on identifying every single attribute of the room; the ticking clock, the counter to the side, the cart with shiny, metal things on it that he – He closed his eyes as an icy cold crept up his body, panic making him queasy. _Breathe_ , he reminded himself, as he clenched his fists. It suddenly felt like an impossible task.

'Miste-, Bucky?’ the nurse asked, sounding genuinely worried. 'Are you alright?’

Her voice shook him out of the haze, and he quickly straitened. A cold sweat ran along the side of his neck. 'Yeah,’ he ground out. 'Fine.’

She cocked a brow, but when he didn’t elaborate, she didn’t ask him to. Instead, she said: 'If you are ready, we will start the procedure.’

He nodded, his chest still too tight to answer.

'Alright, then. It is best if you lie down on your side, your knees pulled up and your chin to your chest. I will go and get my things ready while you get comfortable.’

She got up and walked over to the counter, back turned to him.

Bucky started moving very slowly. Lying down seemed an awfully vulnerable position to be in, and his heart was thumping by the time he was on his side. He pulled up his legs, as the nurse had said, and closed his eyes, trying to block out all feeling. _This isn’t Hydra, you are fine, this isn’t Hydra, they are not here_.

It was getting harder and harder to convince himself of that, muscles going rigid as he prepared to feel unknown hands on his body, a needle sliding in, horrible pain as someone tried to take his memory… He could hear his own blood rushing in his ears. It was too loud, too close. Where was he again?

Footsteps almost made him jump, but he couldn’t move. Was someone holding him down? Someone had to be holding him down, o god, and they were pushing up his shirt and _this wasn’t Hydra_ , but wasn’t it? Something cold touched his back. His blood roared. He tried to breath, but he couldn’t, there was no air, he was chocking, chocking… Within moments, it all went black.

***

’-Bucky? It’s okay, pall, you are save. It’s me, Steve. We are in a hospital. You are fine.’

The words seeped into his mind, chasing away a daze he couldn’t really place. He blinked, unsure if he had had his eyes closed or just wasn’t seeing well, and Steve swam into view. He looked pale, worried, holding up his hands as if trying to prove he didn’t mean any harm. Why would he – ?

The truth hit him hard, almost making him topple over. He tried to look behind Steve, but the nurse, the blue-haired nurse, Amy, she wasn’t there. The examination table was down on it’s side. Medical supplies lay scattered. What had the Wintersoldier, what had _he_ done?

'Steve, I – ’ he gasped, and Steve’s face relaxed at once at his name.

'Dear God, Buck, you had me so worried.’

'Steve,’ he said again. His voice was hoarse and uncooperative, but he had to know. 'The nurse, what did I- what did I do?’

Steve stretched his arms out as if he wanted to pull him into a hug, but not quite dared too. Was his best friend scared of him now, too?

'Nothing happened, Bucky. The Wintersoldier didn’t touch her. I heard a thud and a yell and came in, but the only thing you did was flee. She’s waiting outside now, shaken but fine. You can relax, pall.’

Relax might not be the word. He felt like all energy rushed away from him, leaving him completely drained, scared, sad, guilty, trembling. He swayed on his feet.

'Can I touch you, Bucky?’ Steve asked, and as he nodded, Steve took his arm and steadied him. 'How 'bout you sit down for a moment?’

Bucky let him take the lead as they moved back to the table, which Steve put upright with one hand. He helped Bucky hop up on it and he stayed close by, hand on Bucky’s elbow.

'I shouldn’t have insisted on going alone,’ he said

. 'Hey,’ Steve gave him a gently squeeze. 'It’s not your fault. It’s Hydra’s. You couldn’t know it would be this bad.’

In his mind, Bucky walked into the room again, already feeling the restriction of his lungs. 'No, I knew,’ he said.

A soft knock on the door startled them both. Steve glanced at him, waiting till he nodded before saying: 'Come in.’

Bucky was a little surprised to see it was Amy again; he had expected she had gone to get someone else, maybe someone big and muscled. She took in the scene for a moment, her face a little pale, and smiled.

'Are you alright, Bucky?’ she asked.

His stomach knotted at the question. He hadn’t deserved such kindness of her, of anyone, really. Mutely, he nodded.

Amy entered and closed the door again. 'You seem to have a good friend there,’ she said kindly. 'Maybe it would be nice if you stayed, mister…?’

'Steve. And I’ll stay.’

There was steal behind his gentle voice. Bucky knew there was no saying 'no’ this time. Honestly, he didn’t even want to.

Amy’s face then turned apologetic. 'That’s good. Because, Bucky, I am afraid we will have to continue the procedure. We could re-schedule it, but I am not sure that would make things easier.’

Fear was again spiking up, and it was all he could do not to run. Still, the thought of coming back here was even worse. He set his jaw. 'Let’s just get it over with.'

'Okay,’ Amy started picking up equipment en throwing it in the sink, opening a cupboard for fresh, organized syringes, gloves, bandages. Bucky looked away. 'This time, I want to you tell me if you are feeling bad. We might try sitting instead of lying down. It’s not the usual way, but it’s save and you might feel a little more in control. Some patients find that comforting.’

A little more in control sounded nice. He took a deep breath a blew it out, shuddering.

The nurse turned back to them. She had put on fresh gloves. 'Since you are already sitting on the edge of the table, you can just put your elbows on your knees and lean forward a little.’

His movements were stiff, but Bucky got himself to comply. Steve moved to stand in front of him. He put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, the warmth comforting. 'I am here,’ he said simply.

'I am now going to clean your back again.’ The nurse pushed up his shirt. 'We got this far last time. Just cold, that’s all. Ready?’

He grumbled something in agreement, his head bowed. Nothing to be seen than his own legs. Nothing to feel than Steve’s hands. It wasn’t till he tasted blood, he realized he was biting his lip.

'Deep breaths,’ Steve reminded.He did the same thing, Bucky could feel it, air ghosting over his head.

'Done,’ Amy said. 'Now for the anesthetic. This will burn a little, but it’s over in a sec.’

He could feel the needle before there was room to protest.

Automatically, his hand shot out, fingers curling around the hem of Steve’s shirt. He tried to stay calm, but it really did burn and the gloves felt unfamiliar and his chest was heaving.

Amy pulled the needle out, somehow not sounding condescending when she said: 'You did great. After this, your back will quickly go numb. You might still feel a pinch at the start of the puncture, and some pressure as I move between the bones, but that should be all there is to it. Do you want to ask anything else?’

All this talk had Bucky’s skin crawling, even as he was glad to know what would be happening to him. He hadn’t released Steve’s shirt and wasn’t planning on doing so. Together with Steve’s hands, it felt like the only thing keeping him grounded, keeping him here.

'Please get it done,’ he whispered.

Amy wasted no time. As he felt a sharp pain in his lower back, he leaned over and pushed his forehead hard against Steve’s chest. A hand came up, cradling the back of his neck. He could feel the needle moving inside him, an unsettling feeling, and he whined low in his throat.

'Just going to get the fluid now,’ Amy said. 'You are doing fine.’

He took quick gasps of air. Steve almost curled around him, whispering words of comfort and drawing circles on his shoulder with his thumb.

'That’s it,’ Amy announced. 'Taking the needle out now, and.. done. It’s over, Bucky.’

The words didn’t fully register at first. He felt shaken, as if the room was moving and the only steady things was Steve’s chest rhythmically rising and falling beneath his face.

He didn’t want to move, and luckily, neither did Steve. As Amy applied a bandage to his back and moved away, they stayed as they were. It wasn’t till Bucky had completely stopped shaking that he looked up. Steve stroked away a lost strand of hair.

'Can we leave now?’ he asked.

Amy waited close by. 'Normally, we advise to lie down and relax a little after this, but in your case, I think you might be more at ease at home.’

Taking that as a yes, Steve helped Bucky from the table. He made a half run for the door. At the last moment, however, he remembered something and turned back.

'Thank you.’ He avoided Amy’s eyes.

She smiled and shrugged. 'It’s my job. Make sure you eat something. Panic attacks take a lot of energy.’

A panic attack? Bucky was happy to leave it at that.

They walked to the car without a word, but Steve kept close to his side. When they finally settled down, Bucky’s back aching, Steve said: 'Maybe we can all for a pizza.’

‘The joys of the twenty first century,’ Bucky answered.

Steve grinned, seemingly relieved he had made something of a joke. 'Let’s take what we can get, right?’


End file.
